RNCWTCAOMC
by Quil Explodes
Summary: Random Notes and Conversations With the Twilight Characters and Other Mythical Creatures. It wouldn't fit in the title line, lol . Random class notes and also conversations with the Twilight wolves and vamps and the occasional human .
1. Chapter 1

So...I was, like, REALLY bored and so I decided to write this. If people like it I'll write more, or just random stuff about random things, but if no one likes it (and I will not blame them if they don't) then I won't. So if you read this PLEASE review and tell me. 

This is my attempt at being funny. I don't think it worked.

Alice..._Edward..._**Bella..._Jacob..._Emmett...**

* * *

Edward! 

_Alice!_

Yay! You're getting into the spirit of things, FINALLY!

**Alice!**

Bella!

_Sigh._

**Sigh?**

_As in I just sighed. Didn't you see me?_

**No. I was too busy being dazzled by your gorgeous liquid topaz eyes.**

**How sweet.**

**Como, comes, come, comemos, comen...**

_**That was so Spanish 1/2.**_

_Can't you pick a not-so-depressing verb? I miss eating._

I guess that's why you ate that pizza at lunch today...

_Not a smart move. I don't advise it._

_**I had the most delicious cheesecake yesterday...it was all creamy and chocolaty...and the crust was crunchy and graham-crackery...**_

**How descriptive. But it was good. And that ice cream we ate with it...**

**_Even better._**

**I love being human.**

That was the last straw. Mr. Banner's walking over to see why Edward's kneeling down by his chair with his hands over his eyes whimpering.

**He's having a panic attack.**

**_You have an amazing skill of stating the obvious, Emmett._**

**Thanks!**

**Alice, I think that's my job. Excuse me.**

What did do? Bella just slapped me!

**_I think we saw it. That just made my day._**

You can stop laughing now.

**Somehow I don't think Bella appreciates your gesture of stroking Edward's hair while whispering to him that everything's going to be alright and that you're never going to leave him very much.**

**_It makes me sick to watch that._**

Not you, too. That I cannot deal with.

**_I was actually kinda counting on Bella comforting me._**

**I wouldn't.**

**_Bella, please refrain from doing that in front of civilized human beings._**

**Sure thing.**

_Agh. See how long it took me to recover? Bella my love don't ever do that to me again!! I can't take it!_

**Sure thing.**_  
_

Cough.

**Cough?**

As in I just coughed. Didn't you see me?

**I'm having a weird sense of deja vu right now...**

**_I wonder why._**

**No seriously Alice. Vampires cough?**

_I'd never really thought of that...we better ask Carlisle._

**Oh my god, Edward. I can't believe you asked Mr. Banner if you could call Carlisle in the middle of class.**

_I'm like his favorite student. It's ok. And anyways, it's an emergency. My mother's dying._

**_Really? Good._**

_Actually, dog, I was being sarcastic. _

_**No duh.**_

_I never actually thought you would realize. Dogs only have ten second memory spans, anyways._

_**Leeches have even less. I can squish one with my little finger and they won't even remember it--**_

Jeez! Guys. Don't you see Bella? She can't stand you arguing. She just wants you to...

**Love each other as much as she loves you both.**

Emmett. Look what you did. Edward's throwing up the pizza Bella made him eat at lunch today. **  
**

_Don't flatter yourself, Jacob. But that is a disgusting thought. Love a WEREWOLF? And I'm not even...  
_

**_Oms! you actually called me by my real name! But, EDWARD, are you sure about that? I mean, at least I don't stink.  
_**

_You can't possibly be serious. If I was human, I'd be buying air freshener for whenever your around._

_**Vampires don't buy air freshener?**_

_Only Alice. I have my dignity... _

**I couldn't hold in my curiosity. What's oms?**

**_You know, it's like omg, but 's' instead of 'g'._**

_God doesn't start with s, dog. Maybe your memory IS failing, after all._

_**It's all this vampire hunting. It's getting to me. **_

**Jacob...**

**_Bella!_**

**Jacob.**

_No, no, no. You are not going to say it--_

_**Bella!!!!!!**_

**Edward: 0, Jacob: 1.**

**_So there._**

_Who's keeping score?_**_  
_**

You guys are so fifth grade.

_I'm 107, just to let you know. I've been to fifth grade..._

Once.

**_Not even you're that stupid enough to fail THAT many times. And I have to admit it, you couldn't pass for ten._**

_Don't burst my bubble, Alice. Or you, dog.  
_

**JACOB!**

**_Bella!_**

**I am one hundred percent serious. You never told me what the 's' stood for. **

**_Ohhhh...so THAT'S what you wanted._**

_I knew it wasn't going to be anything...deep._

**That's right. If I need some deep thoughts, I go to you, Edward.**

**_Sam._**

**Sam?**

**_You asked. That's what the 's' stands for._**

**Seriously? I guess Edward's not the only one with the god-complex.**

**_No, Doctor Fang has one too. And Sam doesn't have a god-complex._**

Jacob has a Sam-is-a-god-complex.

_How pathetic._

_**Well, he IS the alpha, Eddie-poo.**_

_Please refrain from calling me that, Jakey-poo.  
_

Hey, where's Jazzy-poo?

**You just couldn't resist, could you, Alice? Hunting. And there's no need for the growl, Jacob.**

**Omg! Mr. Banner thought that was ME!**

_How disturbing._

_**You're supposed to say 'oms' not 'omg'!**_

**I'm not a werewolf.**

_Bella!_

_Don't even THINK about becoming a filthy dog._

**It does sound kinda cool, actually. I probably would want to give it a try if I could. Sadly, I have the wrong genes.**

**Only those?**

**Shut up, Emmett. And Edward, please don't. Mr. Banner's looking away, but for god-knows--sorry, Jake! but for Sam-knows-how-long.**

**_Thanks._**

_I just couldn't stand the image of you as a werewolf! It's sickening._

_**Good.**_

**But, Edward. You know I'd rather become a blood-sucking super-strong clumsy-no-more monster than the people who kill them, don't you?**

_Thank you. But, 'people'?_

_**What do I look like to you, if not a person?**_

_A dog._

_**Ha ha very funny.**_

Please don't start.  
_  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Just to remind you: Alice..._Edward..._**Bella..._Jacob..._Emmett...**

And the occasional human (other than Bella) will be like this with the person who's writing it name's in front.

Does that make sense? Good..._  
_

* * *

_Somewheeere...over the rainboooow..._

Waaaay up hiiigh...

**Skies are bluuuue...**

That's not what come next.

**You are crushing my creative impulses.**

Mucho sorry.

**No problemo. Just let me sing what I want to sing when I want to sing...There's a land that I heard ooof...Once in a...a...**

Lullaby.

**Thanks. Once in a lullabyyyy...**

Jessica: What the frick are you doing, Bella. Mike thinks your crazy...not that I mind.  


**_Wipe that smug smile off your face that instant. Bella is not to be laughed at._**

Jessica: Hello, hottie!

_ExCUSE me?_

Jessica: What's your name?  


**_Me? Jacob._**

_Dog._

Jessica: Are you busy after school?

_Hey!_

**Yes he certainly is.**

**That pout really suits you, Jessica. I've never really noticed you before. You look like you'd make a nice tasty treat...No! Rosalie! I didn't mean it!! Aaaahhh--**

Poor Emmett.

_Hello?_

**It's funny to watch him be scared by her...sigh.**

Jessica: ANYways. Jacob? How about going to First Beach? You've seen the driftward fires? Spec-freaking-tacular.

**Jake? You okay?**

**_No I most certainly am not. I choked on my own spit that girl made me laugh so hard._**

_I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!!_

Jessica: You can come too.

_**-coughmaybenotcough-**_

_Aaaaggghhhhh!!__**  
**_

**What the hell did you do to him, Jess? He totally died.**

Poor Edward...she prefers a dog to him...as if his own soul mate's not enough, she has to get her friend to be like that too. I swear I am getting blisters from stroking his hair that much--

**What was that about stroking Edward's hair? I'm off!**

**_No, Bella! Wait!_**

Jessica: Hey, wait. Don't leave! Crap. Everyone always chooses Bella over me. Time for revenge. Anyone want to help?

Mike: I'll go along and stab Cullen while we're at it.

Jessica: Great idea. Let's go.

* * *

[A few minutes later...

**That was so cool.**

I don't think Edward thinks it's cool. And Rosalie's mad because she got interrupted with her beating up of you.

**He'll get over it. He's just mad because his shirt got torn by Mike's knife, even if his skin didn't.**

Jessica: Bella!! Stay right here I need to stab you...no! Mike! Where's the knife? Where's Mike?

_I need to find him too. He is so totally paying my dry-cleaner's bill._

_**Girly-man. Like 3.**_

**3?**

**_3's a girly-man number._**

**And why is that?**

**_Aah!! The attack of the Jessica monsters! She tried to, like, rape me at the beach. It was terrifying._**

_I'm sure you're scarred for life._

_**I am.**_

**I thought you were a werewolf.**

**_...I am._**

**So a measly little human scared you? This is so pathetic. Both my boyfriends are sissies.**

Look at what you did! You made her go into a corner and cry.

Jessica: I found Mike! He's in the loony bin.

**You can't be serious. The loony bin?**

Jessica: Loony bin, Happyville, Rainbow Home, whatever you want to call it.

I think he's traumatized.

**Poor Mike.**

**  
**


	3. A Sappy Ending

(Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett go hunting. Bella is a vampire, newly changed and married.)

Bella: I have to test out my fangs.

Edward: You don't have fangs.

_Bella sinks her teeth into a tree._

Bella: Yum!

Alice: Bella, it's a little early for that. The grizzlies are waiting...just over there...we can smell them...the fresh blood...

_Alice starts drooling. _

_Jasper hauls her off._

Emmett: So we really ARE vegetarian vampires!

* * *

_I'm kind of embarrassed at how stupid that was. Oh, well. That's what happens when you get bored. Or at least when I get bored._


End file.
